These days, you can’t turn on a television without hearing something about “government spending.” People are, evidently, concerned with it. And because the politicians won’t go for the rational solutions of legalizing prostitution or marijuana, they’re constantly looking for ways to get money other ways. I’ve heard talk of proposed “soda taxes” and cigarette taxes continue to rise. I do not want my Dr. Pepper to be taxed. Ergo, I have an alternative proposal.
Here in Wisconsin, hunting brings in over 200 million dollars every year. It’s a huge industry, and a great value to the state. People come from across the country to exercise their skill at shooting bullets into really dumb animals, just like our ancestors did. Thus far the state has always required hunting licenses, making hunters pay. I say we make them pay more by- ready for this? – issuing bro hunting licenses.
By issuing licenses to hunt them, we could balance state budgets while simultaneously curbing the growing bro population. These frisbee throwing fucks are ten times the nuisance deer are. I’ve never had deer in plaid shorts block my path, nor have I had deer nonchalantly sip rolling rock and ask me how much I bench. Deer are actually pretty cool guys. Bros, however, are not. Why is society so intent on wiping out deer and letting bros reproduce exponentially? Think of the money we’d make for the state.
If we initiate this policy, college campuses across the country would be peaceful. No more would we hear the unrelenting wining of Ke$ha blasting from boom boxes. No more would we enter a parking lot to find someone in a polo pissing on the tires of our car. Instead, we’d have to deal with the occasional hunter. And there might be a little more deer walking around. But still.
Working together, we can not only better society but also patch significant budget holes. This is the future. Bullets before Bros, dude.