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Posts Tagged ‘Girlfriend’

Name: – So I know what to yell from my bedroom if I’m ever struck down with scabies (quite possible).

Height: – So I can calculate how many cinderblocks I’m going to need for this really cool sex move*

Weight: – I need to know that if we get into a horrible argument, buying you a meatball sub will rectify things.

Phone number: – This is for sexting. Duh.

If you could be any type of animal, what would you be?: – If you’d be a giraffe, I might need you to clean my rain gutters.

What is your favorite number?: – This is the number of times I’ll ask what animal you’d be if you refuse to answer the question.

Who is your biggest role model?: -If you said Shari Lewis, know that I’m turned on.

If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?: -Gary, Indiana? ZOMG ME TOO.

You are a woman, correct?: – You can never be too careful.

Batman or Superman?: – Could be a deal breaker.

How many fingers am I holding up?: – Trick question! I only have toes.

Have you ever done time?: – And, if so, was it good in bed?

What are your thoughts on Dario Argento’s body of work?: – If you don’t know who that is, just write “grapefruit”.

What is your stance on people who write things like “grapefruit” just because they were told?: – This is to weed out idiots.

Orange juice- Pulp or no pulp?: – It’s a lot better than milk with pulp.

How many teeth do you have?: – I have my reasons.

Why do you think fools fall in love?: – besides avoiding looking like morons during the couples’ skate.

Are you flexible?: – Because you could wear my hand-stitched Stretch Armstrong costume for Halloween.

Who’s your favorite New York housewife?: -Let’s watch Bravo together and take opposing sides!

What are your political beliefs?: -Because you might be a sheep.

Want to set up a ponzi scheme?: – FUCK YEAH YOU DO.

What happened to Tom Arnold?: – If you answer “life”, I’ll know you’re really deep.

Alfred Hitchcock once said there’s nothing sexier than a woman fully covered showing some ankle, what say you?: – He was fat, so who really cares what he says.

*when we reach that **level of the relationship.

**immediately.

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