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This week Megan Fox was axed from the “Transformers” film series by director Michael Bay. She hasn’t complained. Why? Because it’s comparable to having some contract where you have to sit around inside the a medieval shit trench, and then somehow being pardoned and getting able to leave. Speculation suggests that it was spurred by recent comments calling Bay “Hitler.” This got me thinking.
Do we really have any proof that Bay isn’t Hitler? Let’s step back and examine some eerie similarities:
1) They both love explosions
I know most of you are familiar with Hitler’s cuddly side, but in actuality he was an avid fan of explosions. Particularly explosions that involved the Jews or Allied forces. He blew a lot of shit up. Michael Bay also seems to like explosions. Plus, I have it on good authority that Bay purposely avoids “Seinfeld” reruns, for what that’s worth.
2) Hitler had shitty taste in movies
Hitler was pretty notorious for not liking good movies. Whenever Goebbels would rent “Gone with the Wind” Hitler would flip shit and screams of “Sie täuschen! Ich sagte, “‘zu mieten; Superbabies: Babygenies 2’ ! Fleischstock-Sockenmarionette!” would be heard all throughout the Eagle’s nest. Michael Bay has similar tastes (See also: any Michael Bay movies).
3) Kink
I saw a documentary that claimed Hitler enjoyed shitting on his secretary’s chest. Judging from that creepy smirk exhibited in the photo above, I don’t think it’s off base to say Bay might be in the same category.
4) Robot fetishes
Did you know Hitler had a robot butler? He did. Every morning it would serve him his bowl of BLITZKRIEG! (part of your balanced breakfast). Bay is noticeably turned on by robots and, occasionally, overtly racist robots.
5) Subliminal messages
When you take away “T” “R” “A” “N” “F” “O” “M” and “E” from Transformers, you are left with S.S. Has your mind just been blown? Goddamn right it has.
There are some who’d say this is all just hearsay. They’re right. But do you really want to take that chance? Do you truly want to risk having the $9 from your ticket go to funding some sort of secret robot genocide squad? Do you?? I didn’t think so.
Don’t buy a ticket to Transformers 3; don’t support neo-nazism.
College Butter 